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Soft Penetration & Chill?


 I had another story in mind relating to sustaining relationships, however, in recognition of Mercury Retrograde I’d like to talk about the importance of energetic communication using a technique called “Soft Penetration.” I did promise you all in the last post that the next post (this post) would involve sex. but this won’t be all raunchy like some of you had hoped (mm hm…ya’ll some freaks lol) this is a true account of my journey of experiencing SOFT PENETRATION which i have found to be a dope way of communicating, even without the exchange of words. It also has some long lasting beneficial effects when dealing with relating to your mate. Let me break this down a bit…

One of the things I hated about sex is when a man tried to put his penis in me while it was soft. Also, at times, we’d be in the midst of sex, and when he’s really trying to hang in there he may go soft in the process and still keep going. I DESPISED THAT FEELING, it felt disgusting and gross and almost immediately I’d push my mate out of me the moment I feel softness occur. I’d also have an attitude and would look at him like he lost his damn mind. How dare you go soft while inside of me? Better yet, how dare you be so damn inconsiderate and desperate that you want to stick that wet noodle inside of me? Ew! It doesn’t feel good to me…IT FEELS GOOD TO ONLY YOU! UGH! SELFISHNESS….AS A MAN YOU SHOULD ALWAYS STAY HARD WHILE WE’RE IN THE MOMENT OF HAVING SEX OR ALREADY BE HARD BEFORE YOU STICK THAT THANG IN ME…smh..I now look back at that kind of thinking and realize how selfish it was of me. Now I know there is some cocky brother reading this like “Man I never go soft” (grabs nuts)…boy stop.. you just haven’t had that good “GRIPPERSNAPPER” yet. That good ol “TANTRIC TWAT”…that “PROPHETIC P*SSY” lol…ok ok I’m trippin…but if you did you’d be trying to get up in that thang when your soft, with a broken leg, severed hand, and one eyeball missing.

There are some SiStars out there like…”ugh…girl please…I NEEDS TO HAVE THAT HARD ‘D’ WHEN WE GETS DOWN” Girl stop, you just never had that “Kundalini Cock” as my sis Cidney “Total Liberation” Green would say. Also let’s not remind ourselves of those brothers who was slanging what seemed to be that eternal boner but wasn’t worth a damn…but we still stayed with him because of that WOOD he kept on deck. We made some dumb ass decisions due to that WOOD didn’t we? Need I say more? I digress.

When I was operating from a perspective that’s unrealistic (men should always stay hard) I set myself up for sabotage. You see, I already had an unhealthy view on men and their role in my life, I had unrealistic expectations in the bedroom as well (the oral sex part we’ll get to in another post lol…smh man I’ve come a long ways). Now there’s a difference between erectile dysfunction vs a man who may go soft because he’s either already ejaculated and wants more sex, or he’s trying not to ejaculate and puts his mind in a place that makes him go soft in hopes of getting erect again so that he can keep going. Due to my miseducation and hyper-sexuality, my requirement was…his erection must be maintained at all times or else OUT YOU GO (out of my vagina I’m not that mean to kick someone out lol). I now know that as his mate, his erection is just as much my responsibility as it is his.

If there are times when a man goes soft, we will look at him as if something is wrong, or he is having a ‘weak’ moment. Even at times after sex, your man can still want to enter back into your vagina even though he’s not able to get an erection at the moment. For me…I’d be like HELL TO THE NAWL NAWL NAWL…not realizing this rejection subconsciously translates into me rejecting men on more than one level. Lastly, honestly ladies, a man resting his penis in your vagina can be very nurturing and therapeutic.

When I expected “the eternal boner”, subconsciously that also made me feel that a man should ALWAYS be on the up and up. Yes as a woman we don’t want a man who is lazy with no goals, discipline, and ambition…that’s completely normal…i’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the fact that a man will not always be on the up and up either mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or financially. He has obstacles, challenges, and issues just like we do. We can at times translate this non-ability for the eternal boner to the idea of he can never fail or make a mistake because just like his erection “he’s a man, he should never go soft therefore he should never fall off now and again because HE’S A MAN. He can never break down or cry or express his feelings because that’s not what warriors, protectors, and providers do.” SMH.. WRONG!!!

I just want to communicate that some men feel as if he can’t put down his warrior, provider, and protector cape for a minute and be cared for, nurtured, ACCEPTED AND HEARD. It’s like saying unless you are on the high side of life we can’t accept you because you’re only valuable to me when your penis is hard and when you are doing good in life. WE CAN’T ACCEPT YOU WITH A SOFT PENIS NOR IF YOU HAVE MOMENT OF ADVERSITY…that’s foul. Real foul.

Sistars, we carry a lot of inadequacy with us as well. Our vaginas are not always on flood mode, no matter how much of a goddess your are and how you got that ‘wet wet’. You too carry some bullspit and dry up especially when the sex is going on for a long period of time or if you are not brought to your level of arousal that he may not have patience for EVERY single time. This is equivalent to the soft penis. You are still part human, and being part human comes with having bullshit and a dry vagina on occasion. Sorry it just does. Not being funny but, some women also need to put some work in to (singing) “SNAP THAT P*SSY BACK!” lol…that saying always makes me laugh lol.

Again the energy and physical body is the higher and lower You. Through generational trauma and personal experiences we carry baggage and certain inadequacies, and in order for a man to handle that he has to have his cup full. ONE thing that fills a mans cup is him knowing that if he at times feel he is inadequate he is still loved and accepted. That moment of inadequacy does NOT reflect who he is overall. It’s just that particular moment of inadequacy he’s in. MOMENTS LIKE THESE DO NOT DEFINE YOUR LIFE. MOMENTS LIKE THESE REFINE YOUR LIFE…there’s a big difference. Just like the BV and yeast infections many of you used to get and some are still getting (due to whatever reason) and don’t let me talk about those period panties some of you leave behind for him to accidentally stumble upon…smh…. DONT’ PLAY LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. We keeps shit real over here.

So one day I was introduced to an exercise called “Soft Penetration”. My first thoughts were UUMMMMM NO!!! Lol, never say never. Since then I have grown to love Soft Penetration. As a matter of fact I find myself saying on frequent occasions “Babes, how about some soft penetration and chill?”.  At times we’ll just talk or I’ll be reading a book and he’ll be on his phone looking up something about real estate. Other times it may lead to other activities (tehehehehehe) but the point is I have changed my perspective about accepting a man during his time of adversity.  Alot, of my past boyfriends can vouch, I’d be quick to say “FUCK THIS” after an argument. I had absolutely no issues breaking up and moving on. If a man cried I’d be like (in my mind) “Why the f*ck are you crying?”. If I’m used to him being on the UP AND UP and I’m talking about both his penis and economically I would feel a sort of way when he’s had a down moment. I’ve always been loyal as in sticking through the tough times, BUT that doesn’t mean that my feelings towards that man didn’t change during his time of inadequacy, because it did, and that’s not ok. Especially since I knew the kind of man he was. It’s not like he was a bum or a dirtbag, he was a good man, but in those moments of adversity I’d see him as weak and now I have to be the breadwinner, be the husband, and also the protector…and him…well…he was just someone I now had to take care of and it was kind of a burden. Even though that may have not been the case…that’s what my mind translated his inadequacy too….That’s not cool.

I noticed as I became less erection focused, there was a vulnerability that opened up in my body-feeling world. Something shifted into a lot more openness. For me, this was more of a receptive, subtle sex-energy experience. In this sense, I had the feeling of openness, relaxation, freedom from performance tension. I could breathe with my lover and experience a flow of powerful sexual energy.

Here’s where it gets interesting. By taking the focus off that tiny ‘exact’ pleasure point

on the hard penis and extending the sensations of bliss and pleasure throughout the entire body, we can feel a connectedness between cock, heart, and head.

Furthermore, a man in this altered state can soften further and let his partner energetically penetrate him – while the partner imagines his or her sexual energy entering the softness and penetrating all the way into his brain. This can be done body to body, or by projecting energy through the hands.

I call this soft, penetrative sex, energetic pleasure sex. It’s very sweet and delicious. And if a man can relax into it, he can directly experience his own vulnerability and share that with his lover. It’s really a beautiful thing and oft overlooked in the days of the 4 hour Viagra cock.

When it comes to soft penetration, think meditation. Think restorative sex. Think breath, sound, energetic penetration, movement, vulnerability and openness.

Also think oxytocin – because it starts to flow too. Soft penetration is a great way to deepen our connection, intimacy and bond with our lovers.” Lawrence Lanoff

This quote is a reflection of what I experience with my mate. Regardless of how he already was before we met, there is an openness and a safe space to be vulnerable, it’s a journey and through time it gets better and better. When these moments happen I don’t see him as weak, but very strong. Yes I do penetrate him also using this method. Energetically penetrating I mean. I am more tapped into how he feels and more understanding of his imperfections. Even when he says he’s not feeling a sort of way I STILL KNOW HE IS…because there is a connection that is felt energetically. I FEEL the best and worst parts of him and I’m ok with it because it’s something I can deal with it and through the fog I still see his worth. This makes it easier to get through the not so good times. I have had my issues with running and saying “fuck it” but it’s improving. I’m willing to work harder to sustain our connection because it is very special and honestly it’s something I’ve never had with anyone else. Even if we don’t make the long run there is still a very valuable lesson that was learned and growth was established. Even when I’m pissed at him I’d still just want to slide his penis in me while we remain silent. I still may not like his ass for that moment but that good ol SP really helps heal.

There are many men who will read this and say how weak or ‘gay’ this is. It’s that kind of mindset that contributes to the dysfunction and lack of sustaining relationships….because you’re more focused on being hard vs actually connecting with the woman who is meant to heal and help you. You’re concerned with just doing vs connecting and really bonding on a level beyond the physical.



My favorite “SP & Chill” position is known as “Scissors” (see featured photos for some reason I can’t post it in here) I know some of you freak nasties out there have already did this positions while having sex but try it while he’s soft. Also be sure you have some kind of oil (I LOOOOOOVE OILS) so that you are able to enter his penis in you with no issue. This position is very comfortable for me and we can lay like this for a long period of time. There has been times where I’ve watched him kind of dose off and sleep (even though he claims he doesn’t fall asleep lol) while I’m still reading or thinking about something I need to work through. I have also been able to accomplish an orgasm in this position while he’s still soft. Lol…was that TMI? Oh well whatever.

Unfortunately I can’t find many pics with Melinated couples so this illustration will have to do. So go get you some oil ( I use either coconut or olive) and rub on his penis and your vagina. Assume the position and guide his penis inside of you. You may have to do some slight pushing or grinding to get that thang up in there. When penetration is accomplished you can do a number of things.

  1. Just be silent
  2. Eye gazing – this also helps you two connect telepathically
  3. Meditation
  4. Read Together
  5. Watch a documentary together
  6. Go To Sleep

I’m sure you all can come up with other things to do during this so when you do BE SURE TO SHARE BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW HOW THIS WORKS OUT FOR YOU!!!

Because sustaining relationships is a major factor of in our communities I have to do another post to this objective. Many of us are hooking up for the wrong reasons and many of us truly do not understand what it means to be COMPATIBLE…I mean truly compatible. Like we’re not looking at how men and women are complimenting each other outside of the bedroom and financially. How does he/she make you better? Do you really know?

Stay Tuned.

Peace and Love Your SiStar

Riziki Zafira


P.S. Oh trust me fellas. I’m getting on you next. Understanding us isn’t as hard as you think.


Like what you’ve read so far?


    1. Glad you were able to receive some sort of comfort from this Again it’s about the woman you deal with. This is why I love Tantra. It really changes perspectives and provides a comfort and understanding that wasn’t there before.

    1. lol…Nope sis…you are not alone. I am surprised how much I like it now. I mean lol…complete 360. Glad you enjoyed it.

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