[trx_title type=”2″ color=”#000000″]Epigentics: Healing our Birth Story[/trx_title]
Ok..this is the last time I’m going to share this story because I have healed from it. I have cleared from it because I have re-created my birth story. What does that mean you ask? Recreating my birth story? It’s a theme that has followed from one tantric retreat to the next. This is a post about generational trauma aka epigenetics. This is my testimony. My family members AGAIN may get mad at me for this but as they grow in their awareness they will overstand why it’s important to share this story. The first reason is because there is a lot of karmic debt that our families go through but can’t heal from it because like always, we want to keep shit a secret and sweep it under the rug. That’s going to back to that slave mentality. We’ve been so used to massa raping and abusing us then having to shut up about it because we weren’t allowed to use our voices. Fuck that. Everyone who knows me since grade school to now KNOWS I’VE ALWAYS USED MY VOICE. Yes it may have been loud and even at times obnoxious…but this time. It’s very necessary.
Let me start with a question. What makes you… YOU? Aside from the fact that we have an energetic blueprint that has came from a place that has no time or destination…what makes you YOU? If you don’t know let me drop some quick science real quick. Whenever you go to the doctor one of the many questions they ask you is about your family history. Why? Because sickness and disease can be passed down from the family members that came before you. So if you can carry on the sickness and diseases in your body (due to the cells you inherit from your ancestors) you can also carry these same things in your spirit, mind, and behavior. You are your ancestor. Your DNA and characteristics are nothing more that manifestations of THEM. You are your mother and father, and they are their parents, their parents are also their parents etc. You have ancestral residue flowing through you throughout the course of at LEAST 7 generations. That’s alot. I didn’t know the significance of this until I had a reflection on my own behaviors. Let me give you an example.
Back in the day, while in college there was a time or two, or 3 or 4 (idk) I threw stripper parties. That is correct, at one point in my life I sought out women, paid them to come to parties to take off their clothes and dance for men and in return the men paid me. I even had a girl or two who was strictly designated to have sex and/or perform oral sex. I know I know…terrible…but don’t judge me…at least not yet. There also was a time where I traveled to Miami and got on a stripper pole and sold my body. Smh…wow that took a lot for me to write…like I can’t believe i just told you that but fuck it…it happened. During that time when i sold my body I then was held at gunpoint and was robbed. Lol… I couldn’t do anything but laugh because I knew I wasn’t supposed to do that shit in the first place. That was not my calling. I was smarter than that and did not listen. So I had to really ask myself “what the fuck was I thinking?”
Fast forward to a time where I became more conscious and aware of my faults and I needed clarity on MY (her)STORY. I needed to seek out women I could turn to or talk to in order to understand the lineage I come from so that I can be inspired to live up to whatever greatness I could find. Smh…that was a task. Mainly because again, families want to keep shit a secret. I will say my greatest inspiration has been my mother…she has done a great job in breaking certain cycles by moving away from Philly and sacrificing herself in order to give me and my brother a good life.
Ok now back to the secrets, sometimes it’s healthy and sometimes it’s not. Especially for me because the way my planets are set up I’m nosey and I’m a wonderful researcher. So I go through the journey of learning my family tree. I was able to trace back far enough on my father’s side to see that YES MY GGGG GRANDFATHER WAS A WHITE MAN WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH A BLACK WOMAN AND MARRIED HER. Well since in my culture…the misplaced african/asiatic culture lineage, is moreso focused on the woman (matriarchal) I explored my mother’s side. Man there were so many doors shut it’s not even funny. But remember I’m nosey and a good researcher. I found that my Great Great Grandmother had a brothel where she sold women and bootlegged alcohol (I’ll only give thanks for my hustle mentality when it was desperately needed). Some of the women that were used in her brothel were her own children…smh…wow that shit hurt. Also because molestation and rape was a common occurrence back in those days, and many women weren’t allowed to use their voices, my grandmother (Rest in Power) was said to be a product of incest or rape. The story still isn’t clear but I digress. Now many ppl are wondering why the am I bringing this up?..and the fact that you have to ask that question is part of the reason why we as a society have issues healing. If we don’t know where the problems starts it’s harder to direct the solution. I participated in similar behaviors before even knowing my GG grandmother was a Madam. Our DNA has an affect on the behaviors we partake in. Yes majority of it is free will and choice…but Epigenetics is science…not my opinion.
I encourage you to check out a Tea Talk that I did where I explain Epigenetics and how Tantra heals Trauma. We featured this brave sister who was molested by her family member. When you watch the video you will see the text messages about one of the family members pretty much defending the molester BECAUSE HE ALSO WAS MOLESTED…in a nutshell her excuse for the man who did the molesting was that “it’s just something that has been in the family for years” then she had a nerve to throw religion in the mix…smh..don’t get me started….ok but let me get back to my story…..
So the fact that my Great grandmother was used in a brothel by her own mother, and other details that are not clear, for some reason my G grandmother was not favored and left behind to fend for self when she got pregnant, while her other siblings were kept together. Here is where the energy of favoritism starts. My grandmother being a product of either rape or molestation also experienced isolation in a sense of not feeling favored by her own mother (due to her being a product of a negative sexual experience) and she carried on some of those characteristics between her own children as some of them would say. This energy of favoritism and unhealthy sexual relations has trickled down to me. Looking on my mother’s side of family there is a lack of a male presence. So what example did I have of a good man or relationship?
So there I was this young woman, who had no idea as to what a healthy relationship was nor the idea of commitment. I was raised to know how to survive without a man vs knowing how to keep one. For some reason I chose to fall for abusers vs those who meant me well. I was a stripper for a day, a prostitute for a cumulative 6 hours, a whore for many years, and confused as fuck about relationships. When I learned the fact that sometimes the characteristics and actions of our ancestors CAN activate those same characteristics and actions in me I said to myself “Hell nah, I need to clear from this shit.” I don’t need to pass down this trauma from my womb to my future children. I had an abortion and a miscarriage and thinking back, especially after my baby reading I don’t feel as bad anymore. DO I REGRET GETTING PREGNANT AND NOT HAVING THEM….YES…but I can’t beat myself up about that anymore….If I was to bring forth children carrying that baggage of shit in my womb, I too would risk the chance of these same behaviors being activated in them. NO ma’am not having it at all.
I always felt that it was up to me TO CHANGE MY BIRTH STORY. And in turn that would also too transmute the negative energy that has lingered in my family for quite some time. I love my family…I really do..but when i say the energy of pettiness, lies, deceit, backbiting, triflin shit, pissed off children, neglect, favoritism has ran it’s course. It has. Just like in many other families but for me I can finally pin down the how and why and do my work to clear it for the future generations to come.
Today, I’m a certified Tantric Healer. Sex has always been apart of my story however I no longer wish to abuse it. Instead my life is about cultivating my sexual energy to heal myself and others WITHOUT having intercourse. It’s about using sexual energy to give back positive sexual/sensual experiences to those who have been raped and abused themselves (specifically our men who has suffered from this and they are forced to deal with it alone)
The world will look at promiscuous women and be quick to call them every name in the book…not realizing that most likely she is promiscuous due to lack of self-love, lack knowledge, being abused, or wanting to feel loved/accepted. Alot of our men are walking around feeling emasculated, constantly questioning their sexuality, and suffer from emotional imbalance because they too were molested, raped, or have had negative sexual experiences.
We also don’t realize that some of us literally do things because it’s something that has been ACTIVATED inside of us from past or even current generations. Black people as a whole have a lot of healing to do as far as our birth story. We know due to our journey as a people there is still a lot of trauma we have not healed from which is why we can’t get along today. What kind of Ancestor will you be? I chose to be the kind of ancestor that my descendants can emulate and call upon because of the DNA I left them will take them down a better path.
P.S….to start your journey of healing feel free to check out the info on my class
Peace and Love,